8 Years Later, Does Arnold Still Have It?

Arnold Schwarzenegger...

The name just rolls off the tongue doesn't it?  Okay, maybe not.  But it is one hell of a name.  It's the name synonymous with incredible action movies, famous one liners, and big, BIG guns.

Like this...

And these...

What? Look at those things! His arms were lethal weapons for sure!

Was Arnold the greatest actor?  Not even close.  His heavy Austrian accent made most of his dialogue unintentionally comical.  He had the same grace and fluidity of movement as a plank of wood. But he was a big, muscular guy who looked like he could do a lot of damage and that's really all it took in the 80's to be an action star.  Look big, look mean, and the pyrotechnics and stunt crew will take care of the rest.  But Arnold was good at it.  Really good.  And this led him to carve a warpath through Hollywood becoming an action icon.

Arnold made a smart and surprisingly successful transition into comedies as well.  And let's face it, with that accent, comedy really is the place for him to be.  Now, these movies weren't examples of comedic gold, but Arnold and the producers were smart enough to surround him with other strong acting talent in the form of Danny DeVito.  DeVito and Schwarzenegger teamed up on Arnold's first comedy, Twins, and it actually provides a few good chuckles and a decent (filled with 80's cheese) story.  Arnold went on to make a few other pretty funny comedies like Kindergarten Cop and the atrociously bad, but embarrassingly enjoyable Jingle All The Way.

Arnold's ability to switch between comedies and action films shot him to the top of the A-list very quickly and he became one of the highest paid actors in the business.  It seemed he could do no wrong.  Hell, even his movie Junior, with it's ridiculous plot about a pregnant man, managed to gross $108 million at the box office worldwide.  And trust me, Junior is a horrible, horrible movie. 



 Arnold, however, couldn't stay on top forever as a series of critical and box office bombs started to topple Arnold Kong off the skyscraper.

Batman and Robin, The 6th Day, Collateral Damage... they all pointed to a slow and steady downward spiral for the once mighty Austrian.  Even a return to his epic Terminator franchise in 2003's Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines didn't do much to salvage what was clearly becoming a hollywood slump.  But back then, not many people really noticed.  Hindsight is 20/20, after all.  At the time, you knew Arnold was only one good action movie away from being back on top.  This was the Hollywood icon that killed a Predator, told Bennett to "let off some steam", and roared a Conan roar as he pushed some giant, inexplicable wheel thing in the desert to become buff.I mean, c'mon, it was Schwarzenegger. He'd always be back... wouldn't he?

Actually, no.  At least, not for a while.  Arnold, famously, made a run for Governator of California and won.  His last film before taking office was 2004's Around the World in 80 Days, a Jackie Chan box office and critical disaster in which he had a small part.  But when Arnold was sworn into office, he retired from acting.  And all we were left with were some great cinematic memories and a lot of quotable lines.... "GET TO THE CHOPPA!"

Time passed....

This

Became This

Quite frankly, it seemed like we were never going to get our Arnold back.  He had gone the way of the politician.  And you know what?  Good for him.  It's an amazing accomplishment.  But, as a movie fan, an 80's nostalgia fan, and an Arnold fan, I am a selfish brat and goddammit, I want Schwarzenegger.

There was a light at the end of the tunnel, however, as Arnie's political career started to wind down.  A rumored cameo in fellow 80's action star Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables was all it took to give a lot of fans "Schwarzenegger fever" all over again.  Including me.

Here I was, an almost 30 year old man, excited to see this larger than life Hollywood icon back on the big screen. So, off I was to see The Expendables.  I sat in my theater seat, sloppily shoving overpriced popcorn in my mouth, anxiously awaiting the scene.  It was close.  Oh there's the church! I know it's soon!  There he is!  There's the man! Arnold's back on screen and he looks... old.  Really old. Like...

Yeah, that kind of old.  I was worried.  Maybe...  Maybe Arnold didn't have it anymore.  Maybe he was just over the hill.  Sure it was a great nostalgia trip to see him back on the big screen, but... was that all it was?  Nostalgia?  A longing for a time passed?  I hoped not.  And despite my excitement, that cameo only served to fuel my fears that Arnold was pretty much done.

But Schwarzenegger is damn persistent and the minute he was officially out of office, the internet rumor mill began to buzz with all of his potential film projects.  Terminator 5?  Yeah maybe.  Expendables 2?  My ears are perked.  And so it was that after 8 years Arnold would have a genuine on screen role in a big budget action movie.  Expendables 2 was great fun, with all the old action guys ribbing one another and stealing each other's catch phrases.  I loved it as a send up to the testosterone filled action movies of the 80's but it wasn't a true return to form for Schwarzenegger.  Here, he was still supported by an extensive cast.  And, while his role was definitely more than a cameo, it was still a relatively small part (despite what the film's marketing team would have you believe).  It wasn't a true Schwarzenegger film.  Sure it was a fun role to see him play and an action packed, 80's style, guns&blood-o-rama type movie. But, Arnold was supporting cast at best and absent for almost 80% of the film!  I just wasn't convinced...  

But, looming on the horizon may be the answer to some of Schwarzenegger's fan's prayers.  It's called The Last Stand and it's got one bad-ass poster...

There it is, right at the top ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.  There's no mistaking it.  This is HIS movie.  His first headlining, starring role, big time movie since Terminator 3 in 2003.  Needless to say, I am pumped.  I love the grindhouse style, the grit and Arnold's giant mug right out in front with exactly what he was meant to hold... a giant f*cking gun.  Does Arnold still have it?  I don't know.  But maybe it doesn't matter.  I mean, c'mon, it's Schwarzenegger. 

Welcome back, old friend.  Make us proud.

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