AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay... let's take a breather here. Comprehend what was just written. While I know this is old news to most, it still blows my mind. And just how much does it cost to purchase one of the most lucrative franchises in history? $4.05 BILLION dollars. Oh and as a bonus, they got the Indiana Jones franchise too. Which means that this....
... could very well be heading to a Disney Channel near you.
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually... that doesn't look half bad...
Anyway, the point of my little blog-a-boo here, at least this particular blog-a-boo, is this...
A STAR WARS FAN'S ADVICE ON HOW TO NOT
F-UP THE NEW
F-UP THE NEW
MOVIES
Piece of Advice #1
Abandon Lucas' So-called 'Vision'
Now that the "Flanneled One" George Lucas is essentially no longer in control of his creation, it's time to hand over the storytelling reigns to someone more talented than he. Sure I respect Lucas and the Star Wars Universe that he has spawned. I love the original films and they have a special place in my nerdy heart because I grew up watching them on old VHS tapes. But let's face it, the prequels proved that Lucas doesn't have a decent story left in him. Meanwhile, good and talented writers have been running amok in the Star Wars expanded universe of books and comics, crafting some of the best stories to be told. Lucas may still be trying to tell us he has had 9 movies planned since the start but I'm not buying that story for a second. Never did. Old Georgie has handed over the reigns, I say it time we let someone else give it a try. Someone other than the man who thought the character in the above picture was a good idea.
Piece of Advice #2
Bring Back Boba Fett
One of the coolest characters to ever grace a Star Wars film, Boba Fett is a cult favorite character that has quite the following. How could he not? I mean, look at this guy! That helmet? Bad-ass! Oh and that thing on his back? That's just a giant missile... attached to his JETPACK! Move over Shaft, Boba here is the king of cool.
His embarrassing 'death' in Return of the Jedi at the hands of a blind Han Solo didn't sit well with many and in the expanded universe, has been revealed to have survived and escaped the Sarlacc Pit. First order of business in the new trilogy is to establish Fett as alive, and hunting Solo for revenge. This must happen, or I can guarantee fan outrage.
Piece of Advice #3
Bring Back The Original Actors
This isn't as far-fetched as it may seem. All three of the original Star Wars main cast have expressed interest in returning to the roles that made them famous. AND many of the popular books and comics of the "expanded universe" center around an older Luke trying to rebuild the Jedi order amidst a new republic. Leia and Han are married with a daughter named Jaina (who is bad ass) and Boba Fett turns out to be alive! Not a bad jumping off point for a new trilogy is it?
This storyline also paves the way for new main characters in the form of new Jedi and Jaina Solo specifically. While I don't advocate putting the original trio front and center, having them as supporting cast to a new group of characters would be like a dream come true and a great way to keep continuity.
Piece of Advice #4
Don't Rely on CGI
Okay, I'm not a total goof, I understand that in a sci-fi movie of this magnitude, there's bound to be some computer generated stuff here and there. I get it. But one of the major problems with Lucas is his uncanny ability to CGI the crap out of everything on screen, almost leading the audience to believe they're watching a cartoon. Not good. This also creates a really jarring shift in visual aesthetics. These movies are supposed to flow together as one story, but the CGI in the prequel trilogy makes such a stark contrast to the gritty, practical effects used in the original trilogy that it's truly distracting and disjointed. Of course times change and technology evolves, but the last thing I want is for the awesome aesthetic of the original trilogy to be lost amidst some director's CGI happy fingertips. While CGI has come a long way and is an easy way to do things, there's something to be said about the slowly declining art that is practical effects.
Piece of Advice #5
Have a Compelling Villain
One of the biggest problems about the prequel trilogy was it's convoluted story and lack of any one central villain. In the original trilogy we had Vader and Admiral Tarkin in the first film and Vader and The Emperor in the second and third films. There was the rebellion and there was the empire. They were easy to keep track of, and their motives were clear. In the prequels nothing was as lear cut. There's a trade federation and the evil guys who run that, there's Darth Sidius (The eventual Emperor who is also Chancellor Palpatine) and Darth Maul who are evil Sith (the opposite of a Jedi). Nothing is really explained, and only makes sense if you've read about it separately from the movie, or spent some time with The Clone Wars tv show. Darth Maul, arguably the coolest Star Wars villain since the debut of Vader, dies an unceremonious death much like Boba Fett. The trade federation blows up and we're out of bad guys! Except we're not. In Episode II it gets even more complicated, introducing Count Dooku who is also called Darth Tyrannus who is an apprentice of Darth Sidius and is trying to gather strength for The Seperatists who want to revolt agains the republic and blah blah blah. Bored yet? I know I am. I mean who needs all that crap? Good vs Evil. It's not complicated. Empire vs Rebels. Nice and simple.
We need a central villain. A guy we can look at and say "Okay, he's the badguy." Vader perfectly filled that role, but he's dead by the end of Return of the Jedi. So I suggest picking a strong, interesting villain that will stay the villain throughout the new trilogy. And I can't think of a better villain than Grand Admiral Thrawn. A tactical genius, Thrawn is the man who takes over command of the remnants of the empire following the events of Return of the Jedi. He leads several counter attacks against the rebels as they try to build a New Republic and is a major antagonist in the expanded Star Wars Universe. Who should play him? Michael Fassbender.
Piece of Advice #6
Listen To The Fans
If there's one thing I know, it's that Star Wars fans are extremely loyal. Even after the fiasco that was the prequel trilogy, fans still love the Star Wars franchise, the Star Wars universe and everything in between. They know the characters, stories, and technology inside and out. Better than George Lucas I'd bet.
Now, I consider myself a "casually, above average" Star Wars fan. Sure I know some stuff the average movie goer wouldn't, and I have read a few of the expanded universe books, but I'm no where near the encyclopedia of information that exists in some of these fans heads. Hell, some of them have even come up with their own fan-fiction stories.
These fans are alive and well on internet forums and message boards talking up a storm about what they want to see in the new movies and what they don't want to see. Here's my final piece of advice. LISTEN TO THEM. These people, who have such a passion for Star Wars, actually have some pretty good ideas about where to take the story and how it should unfold. Are all of these ideas gems? No. Of course not. But any smart writer, producer, or director of this new trilogy would keep an eye on what's being said by the fans who buy the tickets that pay their huge salaries.
So that's it! My six pieces of advice on how to NOT f-up the new Star Wars trilogy! What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Have more advice? Sound off in the comments!
Moosepunch!
Follow me on twitter! @MooseattheMovie
